Death and Old Age

This entry is more personal then academic, but I certainly feel it is relevant to my researching of old age. Since this is more of a personal journal for myself and my professor I feel this is appropriate and necessary.

Two nights ago my Granny's best friend, whom I have known since I was a baby and my family for over 50 years, passed away. She fell in the night and broke her femur a week prior and was forced to go into hospital. She had surgery to reset the bone. At her age, 89 (to be 90 this year), it was a tremendously stressful operation and she did not end up pulling through. I understand that she lived a long and fruitful life and that she went with little pain. Dying is a part of life. From my research and interviews thus far I understand that often as one gets older death becomes more tangible and less terrifying. I suppose this is not true for some, but it is true for those over 80 I have spoken to thus far. This post isn't necessarily concerned with death, rather with the fallout when a loved one dies.

My granny's friend's husband, you see, has been left behind. He is older, 91 I believe, and suffers from dementia. I went with my granny to see him yesterday and he was, understandably overcome with grief. He sat in his chair, which he rarely leaves these days, and cried. He and his wife were lifelong partners. They had known one another since they were children and had been married for what I suppose bordered on 70 years.

I wasn't really able to speak as I listened to my granny speak with Albert (whose name I have changed). He was completely disoriented and tired and shattered. It really made me think about what it means, and can mean, to grow old. It also made me think about how our society treats old people. I won't say that Albert is treated unkindly, but I will say that many people I have seen interacting with him do not take him seriously because of his disabilities and age. I find this to be appalling. Ageism is a massive problem here in the UK, and I hope that by doing this documentary project I can shed some light on what it means to grow old here.

I wish the best for Albert. I will obviously not be interviewing him due to his handicaps, but I am glad I am able to write about this situation, and my thoughts surrounding it, herein.

Visually representing the venerable and vulnerable

For the past week I've been thinking about how to best visually represent the elderly people with whom I am working. I'm not familiar with them, as I came to England on a whim not knowing many people, but establishing rapport has not been difficult. I've found that the people I'm filming/interviewing are more then willing to both give information and be on camera. Getting release forms signed has not been a problem at all. In fact, my find the forms both "silly" and funny. Be that as it may.

My readings for this week (selections from the Visual Culture Reader and the essay "Up the Anthro" by Nader) reminded me that the burden of figuring out methodology and representation sits upon my shoulders. It sounds obvious I know, but I've found that I (and many colleagues and classmates) tend to shoot/film first and ask questions later. For this project, however, I am really trying to allow the theory to influence my project. I've done other projects (The Day Labor Cup) where we went in with a knowledge of theory but shot cinema verite style. Obviously the theory and our readings had influence on these past projects, but they were shot first and (actually) theorized later. We asked ourselves, post-filming, what were we trying to achieve/what did we achieve? For this project, represented here on The Descent, I want to make it clear that I am reversing this order.

I plan on including myself in my work with the elderly. I believe that this reflexivity is importance. I would, however, prefer for my theorizing to show in my footage rather than be told overtly-- other than here in this disclaimer.

In reality, I write this entry on this blog for myself. It serves as a reminder among other things. Last night I was speaking to my Grandmother and she said (referring to one of the people I am working with) , "X is a very vulnerable man." I mistook "vulnerable" for "venerable"- hence the name of this post. Both words apply to subject X but it is the former which concerns me here. These people, along with myself, are to be subjects in a film. They are also, however, people with whom I am building relationships- whether this is intended or not. Many are well over 70 and live solitary and often lonely lives. Our chats, I have been told now more then once, are the highlight of their week. I must represent them justly, but also- I think-honestly.

The Descent: new beginnings in old age.

This project is an exploration of old age. Here I will blog about my findings, share interviews with the elderly, and analyze concepts of ageism and venerability. I had originally intended to do a piece on a political group with which I was at odds, but than realized I was more interested in giving voice to the oft unconsidered and silent segment of all populations across the world. My interviews with the elderly will explore generational changes (in media, politics, and culture) and seek to ask and answer questions about age/ageism. I will post two video sketches based upon the project but influenced also by my readings on documentary film and theory. My final project will be a short documentary on giving voice to the elderly.

This poem was part of the inspiration for this project-

The Descent - William Carlos Williams

The descent beckons
as the ascent beckoned.
Memory is a kind
of accomplishment,
a sort of renewal
even
an initiation, since the spaces it opens are new places
inhabited by hordes
heretofore unrealized,
of new kinds—
since their movements
are toward new objectives
(even though formerly they were abandoned).

No defeat is made up entirely of defeat—since
the world it opens is always a place
formerly
unsuspected. A
world lost,
a world unsuspected,
beckons to new places
and no whiteness (lost) is so white as the memory
of whiteness .

With evening, love wakens
though its shadows
which are alive by reason
of the sun shining—
grow sleepy now and drop away
from desire .

Love without shadows stirs now
beginning to awaken
as night
advances.

The descent
made up of despairs
and without accomplishment
realizes a new awakening:
which is a reversal
of despair.
For what we cannot accomplish, what
is denied to love,
what we have lost in the anticipation—
a descent follows,
endless and indestructible .

William Carlos Williams